And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
