Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
