found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
