It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
