We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
