My Higher Power is John Stamos
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
