Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
