I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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