i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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