You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
