omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize