We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
