i don't like sucking hair
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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