I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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