Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
