after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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