At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
