The maid of honor just puked.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mom said you looked used
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
