Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize