I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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