we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
