so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
