Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize
