The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
