remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The adults are the big ones right?
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