Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize