Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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