Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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