Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize