Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
