i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
