My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
