piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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