i think my mom watched the whole time
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
