Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
