you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize