I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
