i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
