You made me cry and you don't even care
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
