Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this will be a night to untag.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
