we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
