Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
