Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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