You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
