And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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