it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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