**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
