I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
