dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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