I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
