A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
