This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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