Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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