How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
