I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
