My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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