I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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