Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
