Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
