I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
