Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
