Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
