i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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