I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize