i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
