I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize