Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
