I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
