his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
