I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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